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Why Doesn’t God Love Me?

February 2, 2012

My dad, Frank J. Surface, had a true love/fear relationship with God. Dad both spoke and wrote about his love for God. However it was the fear I saw in dad. Dad’s belief in a nutshell was it is better to be safe than sorry. It is best you love God with all your heart, all your soul, all your might, and without hesitation. Not to love God will most likely result in eternal damnation. Dad was upset with the way our government is acting; the taking from the poor to give to the rich, the turning of their head as wrongs are done, the acceptance of all perversions, and on and on. Dad was sure, in time, God will come and smite this population of folks in the US and elsewhere for all our sins. This is where I’m a bit concerned.

I’ve just started to read the bible for the first time in my life with intent to actually learn. I’ve heard all the bible stories told/preached at church. For the most part what I’ve read in the bible, I’ve never heard spoken that much about at church. I’m into the third book, Leviticus, at the moment. I know the argument about the old testament and new testament; both are to compliment each other but the new testament over-rides the old. Then again, the Hebrews/Jews which I’ve read so far are God’s chosen, only believe in the first five books of the bible. The Jews have suffered so much over time, but they certainly hold true to God. I wonder what it must be like to be raised a Jew. However, it is stated as hard cold fact, the entire bible is the inspired Word of God. I’ve always been told God is perfect and faultless and never to be questioned. Whatever His plan is, well that is the way it is but remember God loves you.

I truly want to believe God loves me and maybe He does, but I am just unable to understand. I do understand my dad loved me. I know this for dad always took care of me and would give me the shirt off his back. Never would dad raise a hand to hurt me. This is not totally true, long story short, at the scene of the accident in front of the totaled car, the police asked if I had been drinking. Looking my dad straight in the eye and with a smart-ass teenage drunk sneer I lied saying no. The punch laid me flat to the ground, didn’t see it coming. I had been a rebellious sort at the time and this was like the last straw for my dad. I imagine if dad could have gone back in time to the same event he would have punched me again for I certainly deserved it. However all I got was a punch, I was not tossed into a lake of fire for all eternity.  Dad was always there for me no matter what I did, his love never stopped for me.  These last few years before he died, we so enjoyed communicating via internet for a somehow strange bonding and understanding sparked between us.  Dad was a good and decent man.

All of this said to present a point about how love is something grown, nurtured, and developed over a course of time of trials and errors not something which can be induced because of fear. I know I can not make anybody love me by force, it will not work. Actually I think love is such a cheap overused word. Love is something there should be no word for, instead just accepted as the indescribable. Maybe I’m beginning to answer my own question here.

What I’ve read so far is about a creator whom created folks and time and time again removed them from the face of the earth by drowning them, killing them with snakes, allowing armies to kill and slaughter them or simply by tossing a few plagues on them. Then the remaining folks God left standing were given some impossible rules/laws to follow. A man would do something to upset God and God would curse not only him but his children and their children’s children. This doesn’t give me room to understand the part where God loves me if he has done all of this to others. Why should all these others be wiped away and I be accepted?

Honestly I don’t think God has always been perfect nor his creation perfect. I mean what is the purpose of tornadoes, earthquakes, and floods. Maybe there is no such thing as perfection. Could be perfection, love, and evolution be sort of all tied together. I can hear the screaming already. How dare you say God is not perfect. Well dad wasn’t perfect and you are not perfect, why should we expect God to be perfect. Didn’t Moses on a couple of occasions get God to change his mind about destroying even more people? God always would say this mass destruction He was going to do would show them He is God. God was wanting to be accepted and loved. Maybe he just had a hard time discovering on how to gain such love and devotion from his creation.

I do not understand and I certainly do not profess to have any knowledge of the bible. I realize there are tons written, preached, and philosophized by folks much more in the know than me of the inspired Word of God. I am just trying to learn by reading and asking honest questions. So far what I’ve read in the bible does not support God loves me. Either the material is way over my head or something. I don’t understand God’s continued mass destruction of the human being. Sure we make mistakes, all part of growing. All I know is what I know as a father myself. I love my wife and child more than anything. I realize how much comfort I receive from my family. I believe God feels the same if not more so over his entire creation. I have to feel this way for deep down I truly love God and know or hopefully know, God loves me. What I read in the bible and what I know inside are almost two entirely different things. Will be interesting to see what I learn as I go along my studies. Maybe God is perfect and we are not. Maybe the bible is the inspired word with mistakes brought about by men having a go at it. Maybe the goal is to find the truth within the mistakes or down right wrongs induced by man into the bible.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. February 2, 2012 9:08 am

    Good morning,

    I would like to make a few genuine comments, that are based upon the assumption that your comments are genuine as well, about some of the things you mentioned if you would allow.

    As far the simple underlying premise goes – does God love you? Absolutely!

    You said, “I know this for dad always took care of me and would give me the shirt off his back.” Please understand the way I say this (not with a critical tone or condescending attitude) but God has given His creation much more than the shirt off His back to prove His love despite our rebellion towards Him…

    “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16,17)

    “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.” (Romans 5:8,9)

    There is the love of God and the wrath of God. Why? Because of sin/rebellion against him. God does not want any to perish and He desires us to repent of our sins but He will not force us to anymore than He forces us to rebel against Him (2 Peter 3:9).

    You said, “What I’ve read so far is about a creator whom created folks and time and time again removed them from the face of the earth by drowning them, killing them with snakes, allowing armies to kill and slaughter them or simply by tossing a few plagues on them.”

    In everyone of those situations God pleaded with His people to repent before the punishment came…with the snakes you reference He even gave a way to find forgivness afterwards (John 3:14).

    God does not discipline/punish us in the same way or for the same reason that people do –

    “If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.” (Hebrews 12:7-10)

    God’s reasons for discipline or punishment are purely for our benefit…does that mean he sends “natural disasters? No. We are living in a world that is dying and death comes in a flurry of ways…the simple fact is death is coming (Hebrews 9:27).

    Love does not mean the absence of consequences, but the eternal consequences of sin do not have to be felt because of God’s love. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23)

    I hope some of these scriptures help – if you have any questions for me I will do my best to answer them. Have a great day.

    • February 2, 2012 9:29 pm

      Thank you Eugene for commenting. I do hear what you are saying and I am in awe of God. However I do not get the warm fuzzy feeling about God after reading the first three books of the bible. I’ve read lots about God slaying and killing folks such as: Gene 38.8 God slew Er. Gene 38.10 God slew Onan. Exod 12.23 God sent the Destroyer to kill all the first born. Exod 34.7 God visits the iniquity of the fathers upon the children. 2Sam 12.15 God struck the child.

      Also you said,

      In everyone of those situations God pleaded with His people to repent before the punishment came…

      This may be true but God also hardened the heart of Pharaoh Exod 7.3 on numerous occasions. God brought down these plagues calling them his signs and wonders. Pharaoh may have let the Israelis go if it were up to him. Instead, God hardened his heart. Even after letting the slaves go, God once again hardened Pharaohs heart which led to the pursuit and the death of many Egyptians. What about all the Egyptians who were not in power and had no say so about the Pharaohs decision? Can’t you imagine there may have been one or two Egyptians who believed God was who He said He was after the first plague or two? Once again making it hard to get a warm fuzzy feeling here about our creator.

      Then just for the course of conversation, let us say only the first five books of the bible apply for there is an entire nation which believes this way. Based on the first five books it is easy to see a very Authoritarian God ruling over his creation with a brass fist. Not only that, including all of the books of the bible, since this nation does not believe the Messiah has come yet, it appears God will cast them away into a fiery pit. So far I’m not coming across the warm and fuzzy. I get the discipline and chastisement pretty good, but not the Christmas Tree warm glowing feeling.

      I have read where God punished all men for the sin of one. I have read where God has cursed entire generations for the sin of one. I have read where God flooded the earth killing almost all. The survivors of the flood eventually becomes slaves to Pharaoh whom God hardens his heart. Many of the survivors of the slavery have been killed by snakes tossed upon them by God and slain by armies guided by God. In time I will read the new testament about the part:

      “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16,17)

      But when I do get to this part, how am I to dismiss all I’ve read up to this point?

      Maybe we can’t love or be loved by our creator. We are His subjects to do as commanded. Maybe we have confused the words faith and love. God was upset with the folks because they were always wanting something which was always there in front of them if they only had faith. On an occasion or two God would open the eyes of someone like Hagar in Gene 21.19 to show her what she could not see. On numerous occasions God would send Angels to help guide folks and the like. Did God quit communicating with man after the bible? I doubt it, I imagine if we would open our eyes we would see. How about the times God did cause plagues and wonders upon the land, you suppose some folks may have passed such stories along and later in written form in texts outside the bible? Would make sense if God went through so much effort to show He is God for there to be more out there than just the bible. I guess what I’m getting out is the way I’ve always heard about God is actually different than what is written about God. To me God is not something you love or who loves you but instead something of wonder, might, and design; something indescribable. I don’t really know, just shooting from the hip here but I am giving it lots of thought. My dad said a fellow needs to read the bible time and time again taking notes each time. After awhile one should gather his notes and compare for likeness and such. So this is going to be my first time ever of reading the bible and taking notes from cover to cover. In years to come, Lord Willing, I hope to gain wisdom because I am actively seeking wisdom. If I am lucky, along the way I will meet folks such as yourself, Eugene, whom may help share what they know with me.

      I do so much appreciate you comment. Preston Surface…

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