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May 27, 2010

A personal view of the world in which I live—how do I start? There are so many curves and turns, I know not in which direction to go. I am a very private person, not wanting to mix with others, outside my own family circle.

This world is such a devilish mish-mash of politics, religion and pure nothingness, there are no solid grounds on which to base any real convictions. Everything I am surrounded by is always at a ‘What If’ condition. I have done ‘this,’ I have said ‘this,’ “what if I had neither done this, or said that,” what would have the circumstances been.

I do not trust politics, and religion leaves a large question mark that is un-answerable. All I have, are my own personal convictions and opinions about everything. It is to the point where I certainly do not in any form trust the politics of the world, and religion is an open field, filled with doubts and fears. There are no solid grounds on which to stand. The only other time I have felt so unsure was ten thousand feet above the Pacific in a four engine aircraft, with two of the engines out.

I work hard at trying to build my faith in God. But when I see such brutality in the world, one human against another, it is so unbelievably hard to feel there is divine awareness. When I see the human body deteriorate as it gets older, and eventually seemingly falls to pieces, with the unspeakable misery which it entails, where is God? Why is there so much pain and suffering in the human world? If God so loves us, why does He let us suffer so in body and also in mind?

Those whom I love, I try to shield from as much pain and suffering, as I am physically and mentally capable of doing. I do not enjoy seeing those I love suffer in pain and agony, therefore, I do what I am able to, to either do away with it, or to alleviated it to a bearable level.

So, where is God in our world of constant suffering? Having somebody else, a human, or words from a book telling me that God loves me is simply not enough. I love my wife, and I tell her so in person and from my own mouth. I do not keep silent around her, and depend on the outside world to tell her that I love her. I have heard so many preachers telling me that God loves me, I have read it in so many pages of literature, I have heard it from so many different sources, but not one time have I heard it from God Himself.

It, to me is totally unreal. Try and imagine two young people, a young very handsome fellow full of vigor, and facing him, a vision of heaven for loveliness, they truly do love one another. He is infatuated with her and her beauty, a love beyond description fills his heart for this angel from heaven, which in reality is not facing him, other than in his mind. He constantly voices his undying love for her, but not a sound comes from her rose petal lips. He then voices to the world this mental image, and it’s beauty so great that he is unable to put it in words. All those whom he voices this to, reassure him that she does love him. It is preached, it is written, it is prayed for, but not once do those lips of divine beauty part and say, “I love you too.” Love is not a one way street, it requires at least two parties. Love can not be realized when it comes from one direction only.

Love spoken, and love shown is the proof of love. It, the voice of God is not spoken in a verbal manner as we, I, wish, but by actions, His great love comes to me by answered prayer, by blessings of a physical nature, and by inspiration. Being human, I expect too much, and that is normal, we all do. It would be extremely foolish for me to try and deny God, simply because he has not spoken to me in a physical manner, after all He has done for me, and I know it is from Him, it could not have come from my very inapt knowledge. Too many things of coincidence have come about in my life, for it to not be from a divine source.

It appears that all of human activity is centered about the almighty dollar. With enough research and common sense, all of what takes place has a bottom rung, and that rung is the dollar. Yet, on the other hand, without the dollar, there can be no standard of human life. There is no food, shelter, medical help, clothing, family security, nor ability to stand on one’s own two feet. Why, why is the dollar such a solid standard? Why should one have to have it in the first place? Why this very puzzling method of barter, which is the cement that makes the world turn?

God is everything, and created everything, which certainly does include both you and me. Why did he make it so that we had to suffer so greatly in this world? Is that the standard of existence, just to suffer and learn from it, how to possibly avoid suffering? What is the overall purpose? At the end, we lay down and die, and that is the end of it. That is, unless we have faith in an after life. And faith is all we do have, we have no concrete proof that it even exists at all.

A comeback can be expected to this, “ Why, did you not know, that Jesus died on the Cross, and on the third day He came back?” “Yes, I am very much aware of that. Yet, did you not know that Jesus came from a surrogate mother, and had a Father from another dimension, another world? He was not human as you and I are?”

Yes, I believe the story of Jesus, in fact He is my only hope. But do we really have a solid proof of life on the other side? No we do not, not one human, who has a complete human father, and mother, has to my knowledge, come back from death, and recorded what we face on the other side. Therefore, religion itself is just a huge question mark, that causes all types of hate, wars, and suffering the world over.

Life is just one big question mark. We do this, and that happens, and we do that, and this happens, for every action, there is a reaction. That is the make up of the world, actions and reactions. So, in the end, we are living on the reactions of our actions. What we did fifty years ago as an action, can have a resulting reaction this fifty years later. The reaction time does not come in a set pattern, it can be the cause of an immediate action, which of course has a resulting reaction. Life then is one big puzzle, a gamble, and to me seems worthless.

Why do we have to live such a miserable unsure life? What is the reasoning behind it? Is our total life in itself, an action, or is it a reaction? What do we have to look forward to when we close our eyes for the last time? Actually, is it even worth having something to look forward to, on the other side, should there even be another side?

You spend the first three fourths of your life working and slaving to squeeze out a meager existence, and some times that proves to be a success, but not all the time. The best part of one’s life is spent in all this labor and suffering, that being the best health years of one’s body. At long last, one is able to lay down all those labors, and let that be in the past.

The best part of the body being spent in those endless hours of suffering. At long last the body is able to sit back and supposedly relax, and enjoy the latter years of life’s existence. But no, that can not be, at this time, the body begins its fast decline, deteriorating, with all the resulting (action, reaction) pains and aches. Reaction from all those years of hard labor. These last years, though not having to suffer from the hard labors, still must suffer, suffer from a body that is worn out and no longer workable in any fashion. The whole life span is covered by suffering in one fashion or the other. Why?

Is our life an action, or, is it a reaction to an action? If our life is then the original action, then common sense dictates that there must, after it, life, has been completed, comes the resulting reaction.

Now comes the question, if what is said above is true, and our life as a whole is, after all is said and done, an original action, then, what after it is completed, is the reaction? We are safe in our knowledge concerning the two facts of life, action and reaction, however, we are still left in the dark, what pray tell is the reaction to the complete life lived out to it’s limit? We are still left with the mystery which is beyond human imagination, what then follows death?

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